New Year; New emotions?

Can we really stick to our resolutions? Does anyone actually succeed in reinventing themselves or is that a lie hollywood just wants us to believe? It’s hard to follow resolutions, and it’s hard when you’re not someone who normally flakes but you just can’t do it.

Fiercely determined yet a failure of personal life is something I know only too well. It’s a trait I share with fictional and hollywood loves, I am a personal mess. I know this.

” Being aware of your crap and actually overcoming your crap is very different.”- Cristina Yang

I am aware of my crap, but can I over come it? Is it truly possible for me? I’m not entirely sure as a creature of habit. Humans can retrain their brains, they can hardwire themselves differently but will it ever be enough? Will it really help you?  I wish I knew if I could do it, and if my stubborn brain would not resist. Knowing what you must do helps very little if you can not accomplish what you must do. As new year is rung in, we must think and consider if we set the bar too high for ourselves.

Do I want a thicker skin, an ability to let things go and be unbothered? Sure I do. Do I want the side effects of that? My loss of high levels of empathy, my sensitivity to others feelings, and my own understanding of my emotions- for all that to leave?

Do I want to be less stubborn? Who doesn’t? But I don’t need to have a black and white view on everything. I need to see in shades of grey. I need to be able to understand the benefits of my mess instead of trying to rewire it. To understand that my stubbornness should rear itself in times it truly benefits me instead of me pushing away the entire notion of it entirely.

My goals for 2017 are highly crafted for myself, and that’s how it should be. My resolutions are between me and I.

Quit putting yourself down for feeling and be amazed at the wonder it gives you. The deep joy that words can simply touch you, and make you feel alive.

“You don’t have to be tough every minute of every day. It’s ok to let down your guard. In fact, sometimes it’s the best thing you can do, as long as you choose your moments wisely.”- Meredith Grey

You don’t need to control yourself. You need to embrace yourself.

love from 2016

Drink: lemongrass ginger & citrus tea

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