Coincidence

Life is kind of a series of coincidences. I’ve lived through many of coincidences, and I’ve reflected on them a lot but there’s one that just blew me away.I mean it’s something significant when just days before you officially change your concentration to something, one of your role models breaks the news they’re pursuing it too.

What do I mean by that?

Well, I’ve always kind of separated my interests from career to the point where I don’t actively search out people to idolize with my same exact goals in my career because I don’t want my story to be me trying to be a carbon copy of them. I am my own person under a realm of influence by the people I look up to and interact with. My want to go to ‘film school’ was that I already knew I wanted to create media within the cinematic elements, not because I idolized anyone.

So like let’s fast forward here to my first year of college, and I’m in this TV program because around sophomore year of highschool I realized I don’t want to make movies, I want to make TV. My sort of goal for TV has always been a way to bring stories to screen that made my classmates feel represented. I will always have a young white woman to represent me, I’ve found several. But I had started to realize my friends didn’t watch TV as much as me because they felt disconnected as POC, or lgbtq+ members and so on. Anyway so that’s why I’m in TV. I also, not to brag, have a real skill in it and have had background training starting from a highschool level ( I was broadcast director & won a few film festivals). I made sure to get into a TV program versus a film program because I knew that the specifics would benefit me, but I originally was in a editing concentration. I love editing but my school combined it with a lot of graphic and visual design, which I have played with and learned I don’t enjoy. So time came around and I changed my concentration this year. I had been planning for months. Then the news broke.

 “It took 13 years, but Grey’s Anatomy star Ellen Pompeo will boldly follow in several of her co-stars’ footsteps when she directs an episode of the ABC medical drama this spring, TVLine has learned.”
Hold up…you’re telling me I changed my concentration just before I learned Ellen Pompeo, someone whom I’ve looked up to for a few years now, and have always dreamed of seeing what her production company does…actually became a director which is what I changed my concentration to?
I changed from an editing concentration to directing/producing concentration.
My mind was made up before I my appointment time with my counselor, so the actual timing is officially after Ellen’s announcement. I was stunned. As a creative person who over analyzes, seeing someone you look up to or idolize and seeing how their creative mind works is honestly a fever dream. There is nothing better than the rush that comes when trying to analyze someone’s work, that you feel so connected to. I’ve never met Ellen, probably never will; but the life that comes from interviews, and from social media influences how I view her work obviously. Fast forward to now and I got to screen the episode at Paley Fest (side note here, many people met the cast at Paley, my seats were in the balcony and security did not allow anyone from those seats down to orchestra where the cast was signing and taking selfies).  I already talked about the episode and it’s meaningful impact to me last post, how I watched with my mother, so I’m going to talk more about directing here.
First off its a beautiful episode and I don’t only want Ellen to continue to direct Grey’s Anatomy, but this only made me more excited for her production company. Not many people know but Ellen has her own production company, Calamity Jane and she’s bought the rights to multiple movies and mini series. As a media person myself I’m so excited to see her career develop, and I think that’s what made me so excited about all of this. I’m very young and going to college for my dreams, but I see that my dreams can come true at any age. I could discuss more but I’ll just mention here about Ellen’s career, that it didn’t start until she was in her 30’s as an actress that when she moved beyond the Law&Order guest star phase into her first movie role, Moonlight Mile. Quickly after that she was cast in Grey’s Anatomy after Shonda Rhimes suggested to Betsy Beers, “Can we get someone like the girl from Moonlight Mile?” to which Betsy replied they could actually get that girl.
For an actress 30 is considered by majority of Hollywood to be too old, and Ellen felt the backlash of that by being cast as a mother, girlfriend, and love interest in several of her other films. She saw that Meredith Grey was more than the idea of someone’s lover, and a very complex character which is why she’s played her for over 13 years now. So Ellen broke that boundary on TV in 2004 when Grey’s first aired but she didn’t stop there. We can’t mention her directing without talking about the numbers. The number of women directors.
I don’t have numbers for television, and I think they are slightly more than the numbers I have for film alone but the statistic that I go to the most is that there’s only 13% of directors that are women.
13%
Shondaland has made progress with this number for years, for example co-star Chandra Wilson, has directed episodes of Grey’s Anatomy herself, as has Debbie Allen who helped coach Ellen Pompeo on her journey to directing. But the reason for me that Ellen’s episode is such a big deal is because she’s much more visible by viewers, known for this role she plays,  and the influence of this one episode is so great. Because it tells her fans, it tells these young girls, that you can do more. Besides acting Ellen’s always been an activist as well, and really put forward the notion that celebrities are real people. It is so easy to knock away all of her big fancy things because she’s very down to earth in the outlets she uses to interact with people. So that combined with directing is basically a show stopper.
There will probably never be a clear way for me to express the joy I feel knowing someone I adore so much, I can sympathize with in terms of struggles job wise but this is me trying.
This is an open letter to Ellen saying you did amazing, you have such a talent you probably had no idea you had, thank you for listening to Debbie when she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Thank you for documenting it over social media, thank you for being so open at Paley Fest about your process, the vulnerability of your story being told, the personal touch that needed to be shared. Thank you for giving a young aspiring director like me hope, and thank you for breaking barriers.
Love Danielle, a TV student with a directing producing concentration.
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Seattle Nostaglia

How can you be nostalgic for a place you’ve never visited? How can you crave the air you know is filled with mist on spring mornings, or taste the freezing rain of the winter? What does it mean to know somewhere so personally but not at all?

I’m nostalgic for the idea of Seattle. I grew up in the pacific northwest in California, and it’s something special. The air tastes better there, always. I fell in love with the trees and the foggy mornings were something I craved. I attached so quickly to the idea of Seattle about 2 years ago for a passive, stupid reason. It was spring of junior year in high school, and everyone had started to binge watch Grey’s Anatomy. That binge watch became special to me because I didn’t just watch it to be in on the conversations in class- I didn’t start until some people were on season 3 or so, it became special because I watched with my mother.

My mom and I have a very close bond regarding TV and that is, that she and I watch almost everything together. We have since I started watching serious TV, and then realizing it was my career field. My mom actually began Grey’s when it started airing, I remember growing up and seeing our Tivo and then DVR fill up with Grey’s and Private Practice. She went back to work around the same time as season 8 started and gave up after the finale. So when I approached her and said I was going to binge, she decided to join me and said let’s get caught up. It was harmless and we didn’t know what was going to happen in just 3 months after we started to watch.

((hint 11×21))

There were so many moments, and for me personally I can easily place myself into a situation or environment and feel it around me after I’m touched by a show or movie, and so while the weather back home got like a typical Seattle day I feel as if it influenced my viewing. There is something so attractive about the environment put forward by the show, that it can not exist anywhere else. Somehow Seattle gets these nasty traumas but they aren’t in some busy city setting like LA, and time moves slowly. The first two seasons of Grey’s were the same year. The ferry boats which live on in infamy, although they exist in other cities are so intricately connected to Seattle itself. The idea of a cozy little hospital named Seattle Grace, just inside the city where these messy interns were starting the journey of a life time. It’s inseparable.

There’s a feeling of absolute home that I feel every time I throw on an older episode. I can breathe in the misty air they’re simulating, or the powerful storms that correlate to the emotions stirring at the time. It’s timeless, like a rainy day with a good book and a cup of tea. You know everyone but there’s a vast wilderness you don’t know- be it about people, medicine, or the wild forest where the trailer lives. It’s the chills that crawl up and down your spine each time Chasing Cars plays and you just know, everything’s falling apart but you cheer on because if the show has proved time and time again, it’s that the sun always rises. – Of course it rises behind rain filled clouds.

and god how I miss it so. I miss the stormy skies, running through the flooding parking lot to avoid your ex, slapping on of hello kitty band-aids, and rumbling storms of syphilis outbreaks. There is no denying that I don’t feel these things once I’ve caught up. The nostalgia is gone. I can’t entirely place why. I know my technical reasons because they changed sets, and lights, and the over intensity of HD sometimes can take it away as well. But there’s also the changing of the years. Like I said I was a child when Grey’s started, I was in first grade I believe? I’m an adult now. So something that always will slightly freak me out is how closely attached to Chasing Cars and How to save a life, I was when I was like 10 and to understand the pop culture history surrounding it now is such a interesting thing.

So I guess it’s when I watch older episodes, I see or hear things from my childhood really. I’m sure that I walked in on episodes my parents watched when I was younger as well. So I can see myself age as the pagers become Iphones and the charts become IPads. Maybe I don’t like that I’m aging. But I know one thing for sure that I will never grow out of Seattle mists.

I won’t ever let go of the fresh feeling of rain watering the trees, making mud out of the grass, and the taste of the water in the air. Just as I won’t let go of the stories, friends, the music, or the life lessons I listen to. I’m nostalgic for a city created in my head of a feeling that can never be replicated, nor destroyed only strengthened.